


Last Goodbye

by gongji



Category: Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors, Sān guó yǎn yì | Romance of the Three Kingdoms - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Past Character Death, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 15:55:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1475548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gongji/pseuds/gongji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zhong Hui reads old letters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Goodbye

In the far corner of your desk is the small wooden box that stores your most treasured possessions.  You used to enjoy opening it and rummaging through its contents, but lately you’ve been too busy with your hectic schedule to devote any time to reminiscing in old memories. There isn’t any point now, you think, what’s the use in wasting time thinking about what has already passed when you could be doing something so much more productive? It’s just a pointless waste of time, and nothing more.

But today you find yourself unusually drawn to the little box, and so you force yourself away from your work to blow away the thin layer of dust that has rested itself on the lid. You run your hands along the sides, the intricate woodwork is smooth against the calloused pads of your fingers. Sometimes, on certain days, you think you catch the faint scent of old incense emanating from the wood – you’re led to believe its previous owner used it to house his incense, but you distinctly remember him handing the box over as a gift and claiming it was brand new. What an idiot, you remember his silly smile as he pushed the box into your arms and laughed. You knew right from the start the gift had already been his – one of the left legs is dented in just the slightest way, he probably didn’t even notice it. You still don’t know why he even gave it to you in the first place.

It opens with a small creak, the sure sign of its long neglect. The first things you see inside are a stack of letters, all meticulously ordered chronologically during one of your many sleepless nights. You pick one out from the middle and open it, feeling the old paper crinkle underneath your rough fingers; you lift it to your face, inhaling hesitantly and then sitting back with a disappointed sigh. You aren’t sure what you were expecting; they used to smell just like him, but you know it’s been years, there's no reason for the smell to linger. You're so much smarter than that, be logical, why would you even try? You say that to yourself often because you do try every time.

The letter is decorated in thin stroke markings of black ink. His handwriting was always so much better than yours, you never thought it was fair. You run your fingertips over the dried ink, imagining him writing the letters in the dim candlelight. He always did his best work at night, he insisted, and could never do anything productive in the daylight hours. You believe that was probably why his eyesight became so bad.

> “ _Shiji! I hope you’re enjoying your new life over there. It’s been so quiet without you over here, Master Chen has been bothering me about EVERYTHING! He wanted me to say hello for him, by the way, but I know already said that in my last letter. He’s been getting old and his memory is getting pretty bad, but he’s definitely still the strict teacher he used to be when we were kids._
> 
> _Remember when he caught us cheating that one time and made us clean his entire house? He made me do that again for not showing up to one of his debates! Can you believe it? I was busy, I had company, I forgot, and cleaning his house was so much harder without your help, and took twice as long. Three times as long, maybe, since I remember you actually did more of the cleaning than I did that time. Ridiculous, I’m 21 years old! I’m not his student anymore and he still has that much influence over me! Well, hope to hear you aren’t cleaning any houses for bailing on them. Write back to me soon! Your last letter took too long to get here, I thought something bad had happened. Don’t make me worry, idiot! With love, Fusi.”_

You can’t help but smile just a bit remembering the cleaning of Master Chen’s house after getting caught cheating. Wang Bi did more complaining than he did cleaning, so you had to do part of his side. Afterwards he just ran off with some girl for the day, saying “deserved to relax with an attractive woman!” How ridiculous, you were the one who did the most work, what did you deserve? 

You pick up another letter and fold the creases open.

> _“Happy Spring Festival, Shiji! Does working for a powerful family get you the inside pass for a giant banquet? If so, you’re so lucky. I tried my luck at fishing the other day, figured I should start the new year eating my own catch. I’m sure you can guess how that turned out. I got a robe full of wet dirt and a bunch of girls passing by laughed at me. But it’s not all bad, one of them is really cute, I invited her over for dinner. It was fish bought from the market, though, but that’s alright. Remember when we tried to go fishing that one time and I pushed you into the water when you weren’t expecting it? I know you didn’t think it was funny but I think it’s probably the greatest thing I’ve ever done, ESPECIALY when you stood up and there was that fish in your robes. Haha! You should come over and visit some day, I promise I won’t push you into the water again.”_

You do remember that time, and he was right – that was certainly not funny at all in your memory. The water was cold and soaked your robes completely and uncomfortably, and of all things that could have possibly happened next, somehow a fish was tangled in the fabric when you stood. Wang Bi laughed for _hours_ , it was incredible. You didn’t think anyone could laugh that hard for so long. You brought the fish to your mother and she steamed it with sauce and vegetables - it remains one of the best things you’ve ever tasted. Since then you’ve tried to recreate the dish, but your skills in the kitchen are definitely not something you’re able to brag about. Now that you have your meals cooked for you, you don’t have to worry about accidentally poisoning yourself.

The next letter is warped and hard from when you accidentally spilled tea all over it, and some of the black ink bled streaks onto the page.

> _“Shiji guess what! Remember that girl who laughed at me when I fell into the river? So we’ve been together for a while and I think she’s the one. Okay, I know exactly what face you’re making right now, and I know you’re skeptical, but hear me out. I really think my days of hopping from girl to girl are over, I think I’m I love! Anyway, when you get this letter, please come by and visit! I’d love for you to meet her, and of course let you in on the details for the wedding. You better come because I've already picked out what you’re going to wear.”_

It was true, you were skeptical when you first read the letter, but you were happy for your friend. Jealous, but happy, and eventually you found time away from your work to return home and visit. His wife _was_ beautiful, with dark hair that spilled elegantly around her shoulders and a laugh that even lifted your own spirits. And when he looked at her, you could see it in his eyes – you were glad your friend had finally found someone who made him so happy. Come to think of it, you’d never seen anyone so in love before.

The wedding was small, only his close friends and family were invited, but it was certainly memorable. _However_ you did allow yourself to drink just a little too much from the occasion, and you’re led to believe you may have said some things perhaps you are better off not recalling. You don’t particularly like to think about what transpired that night.

Only a few more letters were sent between you two after that. Only a year after the wedding, perhaps it was your bloated ego or new promotion or _whatever it was_ , you both had a falling out. You know it was your fault, you always wanted to believe otherwise but you knew, deep down, it had always been your fault. And then you refused to return his letters until they just stopped coming altogether; for a long time you wondered if you should even bother to see how he was doing. He had a new life with his wife and his new daughter, where were you in the picture? It was a ridiculous line of thinking, but that’s how you felt at the time. And when he told you your new job was only getting to your head, you refused to entertain such accusations, you believed you were just fine, and that was the end of that. Communication ceased for so long the silence became normal.

You usually avoid the last letter but you have no excuse today. You won’t allow yourself an excuse.

> _"Shiji, I hope you’re doing well. I’m sorry this letter is so serious and abrupt given that we haven’t heard from each other in a while, but there’s something I need to tell you. I didn’t want to share this with you at first because I didn’t want you to worry, but there’s no point in hiding it now. The simplest way to say this is, I’ve been sick. Really sick, and the doctors told me I probably won’t get better. Where’s the luck in that, right?_
> 
> _I hoped that I’d get to see you one last time. But in the end, I figured I didn’t need you to see me like this. So I never told you. But I wanted to wait for you, I tried waiting for you. But you weren't coming back, deep down I knew that, but I guess I just didn't want it to be true_."

You've read these lines so many times you can recite them by heart, but you read on anyway.

> _“I thought about you every day, is that strange? Every day, I hoped you were doing well. Every day, I thought of the things we used to do together. Every day, I hoped I’d see a letter from you in the mail, but I knew better. I’m sorry for the things I’ve said. I hope you can forgive me someday. You have always been the greatest influence in my life, my daughter’s bedtime stories have all been the dumb stories of our childhood. She really likes you, please come see her sometime. You were always a part of my family, Shiji, I'm sorry for leaving you alone again.”_

You never saw your friend again, because by the time you returned, he’d already passed. You remember trying to catch your breath from running all the way back when they told you the news – all you could hear was the pounding of your heart in your throat, the ringing of the blood in your ears. It wouldn't have worked out anyway, you tell yourself now, but your hands are shaking and gripping hard at the paper.

You put the letter down and for a moment you swear you see your dead friend standing over you. As soon as you think you see the ghostly shape of his smiling face, he’s gone. What would he have done if he were here? He’d probably scold you for thinking about this for so long. Because he’d already forgiven you, and you were too caught up in holding a grudge to realize what you had until it was too late, until it was gone. But isn’t that just how life goes?

You pull out an old letter from your desk. It was the one you tried writing to him once, when you wanted to see how he was but you thought he’d never want to read it, you thought he’d never want to hear from you again. You never finished writing it to him, and by now you know it is years too late, but your brush is already marking the page with everything you've ever wanted to say, but never had the chance to.

> _“I’m sorry, Fusi. I wish I had known better back then, but you were right, it was my ego, it was my job, it was everything you said. Deep down I knew I was wrong, but I couldn’t convince myself that you were right and I wasn’t. I had to be right, because I thought I couldn’t live with myself if I wasn’t. And now that I’m here, why did that even matter? If I couldn’t bring myself to admit my mistakes in front of my best friend, what hope is there for me?_
> 
> _Every day I thought about writing to you. Every day I thought I should apologize but I just believed so much that you disliked me, that you never wanted to hear from me ever again, that you were disappointed. Perhaps I convinced myself of this too hard, it prevented me from seeing the bigger picture. But I know now. And now it’s too late to change anything because you’re gone, but I’m sorry. You were my dearest friend. My biggest regret is never telling you that sooner, while I still had the chance.”_

You seal it up and burn it over the candle in hopes he might read it in the afterlife.

But you don't really believe in that. Because what’s done is done.

You have no more words to spare on this. There isn’t any point now, you can pretend you’re fine without him all you want, you can allow your ego to consume your emotions, but deep down you know nothing could be further from the truth. You know you’re so lost without him. The tears that stain your face are nothing new, but this time you don't try to stop them.

“Goodbye, Wang Bi.”

**Author's Note:**

> Copied and pasted the notes from my last fic with Wang Bi because I'm lazy
> 
> I was hesitant in tagging this as Dynasty Warriors because Wang Bi isn't a playble character, nor does he even appear, but in the end I figured EH.
> 
> Wang Bi (226–249) (style name Fusi) was a Chinese philosopher who became renowned as one of the brightest of his generation along with Zhong Hui at an early age. According to many historical sources I managed to get my hands on, the two had been friends since childhood, and they often wrote about each other in many of their works.  
> Taking all that info into consideration, a friend and I created a back story for the both of them in the years before Zhong Hui went to serve Wei, and before Wang Bi's untimely death.


End file.
